I just graduated college last month. All semester prior to this, all I could think about was how afraid I was to be done with school. To be giving up all my opportunities to meet new people, to make new friends. Then a realization hit me: I went through this exact set of fears seven years ago when I was about to graduate high school. Everyone around me was excited to be done with high school and make their way into the world as an adult. Don't get me wrong - I was excited too. I couldn't wait to move out of my parents' house and be on my own. But mostly I was afraid of facing the dark and terrifying unknown. Much like now.
A crossroads is a point at which a crucial decision must be made that will have far-reaching consequences. There are two paths before me. I could continue on in this self-destructive state, tearing myself down and filling my life with meaningless indulgences. That would be the easy path, because it would require no change or effort of any kind. The alternative would be to make some significant changes--changes in attitude, in perspective, and in my daily thoughts and actions. I need to find a way to be content with the here and now, rather than incessantly worrying about the future. I need to put the needs of others before my own. And above all, I need to find a way to be simultaneously happy and alone.
I understand and relate to your last sentence specifically. I was there once, too. I was always thinking that I would be happy when I graduated from college, when I got married, or when I had kids. Recent events in my life taught me that I need to be happy now, or I'll never be happy.
ReplyDeleteBeing alone can be very difficult, but it is possible to be happy and single. Maybe just changing the word "alone" to "single" in your mind would help. It's about perspective. Find something--a hobby--that makes you happy and dive in. Be active in your community, whether that's work, with neighbors, or at church, and meet people. These relationships will happen naturally. If they don't, they aren't worth your time.
I know you probably hate hearing this, but enjoy being single. It's a special time in which you'll get to learn more about yourself, better yourself, and really understand what you want out of life.
But maybe I assumed you meant "single" when you said "alone." If so, sorry. :) But you need to find ways to enjoy your current life. While the future is a beautiful time to think about, the present is the only real place to live. One day you'll look back at this time and miss some aspects. For me, it's my independence.
I know you're having a rough time, but you've accomplished so much in your life. That's amazing. You're amazing. Remember that. If you ever need to talk, call me!
Aw, thanks Charlene! This comment means a lot to me. I appreciate the advice.
DeleteThis an amazing photo! Is it something I might be able to use/borrow for a public program we are sponsoring in Mississippi entitled "Humanities at the Crossroads"?
ReplyDeleteCarol Andersen
Mississippi Humanities Council
carol@mhc.state.ms.us