Be Who You Are

Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be, because sooner or later, if you are posing, you will forget the pose, and then where are you? ~Fanny Brice

I will always be myself. I'm not going to pretend to be something that I'm not, or try to hide aspects of my personality so that people will like me more. If you try to pretend to be anything else other than what you are just to please people, you won't be giving anyone the chance to love who you really are. People may fall in love with the facade, with the character you play, or with the mask you wear. But that isn't really you. You will never allow yourself the opportunity to be truly loved and appreciated for who you really are.

I recently had to have some chiropractic treatments for an injury I'd sustained while running. My first session had gone well, except for the fact that the chiropractor would not stop teasing me about the high school I went to (I guess his kids go to a rival school). At first it was funny, and I laughed along, because it wasn't a big deal. But he just kept bringing it up over and over again, and it got to the point where I just wanted to cut him off and tell him, "Leave it alone! Why does it matter which high school I went to??? I'm a college graduate!"

But I didn't say that. I may have gotten slightly defensive toward the end of the appointment, but held my tongue for the most part.

The next time I had an appointment, I came prepared to defend myself if he teased me about my high school again. He didn't. Instead, he brought up a conversation that led to him describing in detail his very offensive and bigoted opinion of homosexuality and gay marriage. When he was finished with this (15 minutes later), he then asked me my opinion. I hate this type of confrontation, and I knew that no matter what I said, he would hold his opinion and try to make me feel stupid or wrong for holding the opinion that I have. So I told him that I'd rather not say.

(I promise this story has a point. I'm getting to it.)

The subject came up that I was single. He then asked me:

"So, when you go on a first date with a guy, do you try to hide certain aspects of your personality, or..."

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

"Well, I've just noticed that you can come off a bit strong, and that might scare some guys away."

I couldn't believe that he was saying this to me. I mean, I barely knew him, and now he's telling me how I can "fix" my personality. I told him, "No, I don't believe in trying to hide things from someone on a first date, or trying to pretend that you are someone that you're not. I am who I am, and if the person is right, he will accept and love me in spite of all of my shortcomings or flaws."

He went on to point out other things that he didn't like about my personality which he thought I should try to change. Then he told me he wanted me to come back in a week for one more treatment.

Ha. Yeah, right.

Crossroads

I am at a crossroads in my life. I've come to the end of an era, and with it comes a new beginning. A new beginning to make some much-needed changes in my life. To start improving myself in every way possible. Change is hard, especially for me. It is scary to think that I don't really have a plan for my future. I don't know what's ahead of me.

I just graduated college last month. All semester prior to this, all I could think about was how afraid I was to be done with school. To be giving up all my opportunities to meet new people, to make new friends. Then a realization hit me: I went through this exact set of fears seven years ago when I was about to graduate high school. Everyone around me was excited to be done with high school and make their way into the world as an adult. Don't get me wrong - I was excited too. I couldn't wait to move out of my parents' house and be on my own. But mostly I was afraid of facing the dark and terrifying unknown. Much like now.

A crossroads is a point at which a crucial decision must be made that will have far-reaching consequences. There are two paths before me. I could continue on in this self-destructive state, tearing myself down and filling my life with meaningless indulgences. That would be the easy path, because it would require no change or effort of any kind. The alternative would be to make some significant changes--changes in attitude, in perspective, and in my daily thoughts and actions. I need to find a way to be content with the here and now, rather than incessantly worrying about the future. I need to put the needs of others before my own. And above all, I need to find a way to be simultaneously happy and alone.